Saturday, October 10, 2009
well,first of all im gonna say i find it very lame that im typing something here after more than 2 years of not posting anything. secondly,i noe no one visits this blog anymore and it is exactly how i like it. sounds sad right??hahahaha. now im finding it even more lame that im toking to myself...sheesh...well,kkay,i have to update this bloggie up with my life presently. so lets start aites...
well,seems my life wasnt cursed at all like what iv said in my previous post 2 year ago. proof is,i have a girlfriend now and shes the best thing that has ever happened to me. im seriously happy that i finally have one. its like after soo long being alone i have finally found someone i can love. baby,if u happen to come by my blog i just wanna tell u that u have made me a very happy person. u gave me the priceless company that i have always wished for and i will never know how to repay u. frankly,i do not know how i managed to make someone like u to be my girlfriend. u are a great person. u have the best personality and u cheer me up with ur bubbly character. i know that making u my gf was the best decision i have ever made and i will never regret it. u mean alot to me and i want u to know that very well. i dont know how to be mushy or how to make a girl melt for i have always been playing around and i want to make you happy,but i dont know how. i know im useless. but i will try my best. trust me.
now for my imperfections. i really hate myself for having certain characteristics. and its pretty obvious once people get to know me. i have a laser mouth and sometimes it gets too much for people to handle.i know that very well and as a matter of fact i know its taking a toll on my relationship. but somehow i really cant help it. it has just grown with me too much for me to change. but one thing i know is that i have toned down from the past and i guess i have to tone it down more for the sake of my happiness. another thing i hate is my long windedness. i know im long winded,u can just see it from this post that its pretty obvious but its just a way that i express myself. i guess im too much of a perfectionist eyy?but i swear i hate it. i know it irritates others and the irony of it is i can control it but i dont know y im so long winded with my gf. it confuses me too. it always seems when i try to be short,it always becomes long and it sucks. it takes awhile before i know im talking too much and i hate it to the core. and lastly is my freaking ego. iv always had it. the funny thing is that i know it exists and i know how it works but i just cant fucking admit it. i can stand to lose face in front of people but i dont know why i just cant fucking lose. i just keep fighting even tho i know i cant fight it anymore and it sucks. of course i keep telling myself to stop it but i dont know why i just cant. i suck. and i know i have alot more imperfections that i didnt state.but of the many,i know definately that i have these major ones.
which is why i count myself lucky i even have a gf. and the best part of it is that i have someone like you. i dont wanna let you go. that fear has always been eating me inside and iv always tried to think positive but everytime i just feel that im not good enough for u. but of course,u have always pumped my confidence up. which is y this post is dedicated to you,to explain myself and let you know more about my inner character. baby,i apologise if i have ever hurt you in any way. i know i hv said that alot of times and believe me,i dont wanna keep hurting u. but i always hurt u unknowingly and i feel really guilty. i wanna apologise for not being a good bf,for not understanding how you feel,for not making u happy and also for being so useless. i also wanna apologise for everything i did in the past,present and future due to those characteristics of mine that i really hate. but believe me i will try my best to change.i wanna return this new happiness u have introduced to me and i will do it for you....I LOVE YOU....
rafspin snaps...
3:40 AM
